Famous People's Quotes about Sex and Marriage

Quotes on Sex & Marriage

Famous People's Quotes about Sex and Marriage Sex is .... What do I know about sex? I'm a married man." Tom Clancy "I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy." Steve Martin "You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither." Drew Carey "Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damned good." Woody Allen "Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Woody Allen "If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all." Rodney Dangerfield "My cousin is an agoraphobic homosexual, which makes it kind of hard for him to come out of the closet." Bill Kelly "As the French say, there are three sexes-men, women and clergymen." Rev. Sydney Smith "Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night." Woody Allen "Homosexuality is God's way of insuring that the truly gifted aren't burdened with children." Sam Austin "I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty." George Burns "It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married." Matt Barry "Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist." Camille Paglia "Life is a sexually transmitted disease." Unknown "My kid had sex with your honor student." Bumper Sticker "My sexual preference is not you." Tshirt "Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life." Michael Sinz "Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast." Woody Allen "Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope." George Burns "Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant." Henry Miller "The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision." Lynn Lavner "There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible. P. J. ORourke MARRIAGE IS. "Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with." Kathleen Mifsud "The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it." Ann Bancroft Any husband who says, "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge. Bill Cosby "I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry." Rita Rudner "Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut after." Benjamin Franklin "My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way." Henny Youngman "My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met." Rodney Dangerfield "A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong." Milton Berle "I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." George Burns "When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking." Elaine Boosler "Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight." Phyllis Diller "My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping." Rita Rudner "The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret." Henny Youngman At a party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man." Anonymous "Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a big gut, and still think they are beautiful." Anonymous Marriage Trivia ROMANCE MATHEMATICS Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb man + smart woman = marriage Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy OFFICE ARITHMETIC Smart boss + smart employee = profit Smart boss + dumb employee = production Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime SHOPPING MATH man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need. GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. HAPPINESS To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try her at all. LONGEVITY Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die. PROPENSITY TO CHANGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does. DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED: Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.